I’m in a Bit of PPD

So I am having a pretty rough bought of postpartum depression. (PPD)
I have started an antidepressant and therapy.
It has been a pretty big shock, really the past month has been really bad.

One thing that I didn’t know was that antidepressants take 2-3 weeks to kick in at all. And 2-3 months until you feel “much better.” My days have been full of random tears, nausea and a feeling of hopelessness. My already sleep deprived nights have turned truly sleepless and anxiety ridden.

I am writing about it here for two reasons.
1. I find that my memory of the past few months is bad. Even memories of my sister’s wedding are already super hazy, and I want to try and remember this time so that if there is another baby in our future I have a record of what happened.
2. If anyone is reading this, which who knows at this point, that I am going through it, so if you ever need someone to talk to about it you have me. I feel like everyone says that lots of women go through it, but I couldn’t really name any. So I want to be open about it. 

One thing I am trying to do, after some good advice from my dad, is recognize the many blessings in my life despite my brain being a little broken right now.

One such blessing:
Kami Houck, my visiting teacher.
(A picture and another example of her amazing service to me)

I opened up to her about my troubles and she offered to help with the kids.

For the next little while, she is going to come over once a week and take both my kids so that I can sneak out for a little while and do something on my own.

This week:
A pedicure. My first one since my birthday in June. 

Even better than that, Kami is so great with the kids. 
She is happy to hold Lucas while he is fussy. 
She loves to play with Mirah. 
Apparently they spent the whole time having a tea party. She even gave Mirah an Elsa braid. 
I felt so good we made it to the park that evening for the first time in over a month. 
I even got a little smile from this guy that warmed my heart. 

Thanks so much Kami. You not only make me feel so loved and cared for, you remind me what it is to be a true Latter-Day Saint and a disciple of Christ. It means so much to me. 

One thought on “I’m in a Bit of PPD

  1. thanks for sharing Allie! PPD is hard, and even harder when you don't have people to rely on, I'm glad you have good friends close by willing and able to step in.

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